it’s 7am and i am so full of happiness and appreciation for everything, even the things that make me weep uncontrollably for days on end. i guess i am okay with everything that happens to me because i understand that i need to let nature take its course and for things to just happen and to let…
Writing is magic. Especially when it comes from nowhere. When you just sit down and write down some words and all of a sudden, a whole world is unfolding in front of you. You are creating people, creatures, you know everything about them - even if you don’t know that you know it yet. They are yours, they are special because you know where they came from. I think that’s why I can’t get my head around writing as a career. I don’t want to start writing characters I don’t care about. I don’t want to fall out of love with writing, it’s the only relationship I picture myself being in for as long as I shall live. If I lose words, I will be left with nothing.
I will give you all, and in the process become nothing.
Stop talking about it. Stop it. Keep it all in your head. Have something for yourself. Nothing is yours. Nothing really belongs to you.
I may or may not be losing my mind right now.
Every sentence I write is a cliche.
I am a phony, I think.
My sarcasm is me,
so when I try to write something meaningful and poignant,
I read it back, eyes rolling to the back of my head.
“When did you get so pretentious and melodramatic?” I ask me.
I can’t take myself seriously, so when I have to, I feel like someone else has taken over.
When I feel love, I mull it over many times in my head, deny it.
I can’t be in love, I don’t know what it feels like.
Yesterday, I started to speak. Today, I have to shout and scream in the midst of a crowd with the hope that maybe one person will not just hear, but listen.
I feel like crying with emotion. It radiates in my stomach. It makes me neither happy nor sad. I just think that if I cry, the heaviness will fade through the tears. But I cannot cry, it is not hurt that I feel.
Smoke straight from a cigarette is free and light but smoke that has been breathed in is heavy and flows harshly because it has been tainted by the human condition.